


Let Down

by ellewrites



Category: Marvel, Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types, The Avengers - Ambiguous Fandom
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Drinking, F/M, Infidelity, Kissing, M/M, Pretentious Writing, Smoking
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-01
Updated: 2019-07-01
Packaged: 2020-06-02 04:32:13
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,193
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19433995
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ellewrites/pseuds/ellewrites
Summary: Bruce chuckled and they lapsed into silence again. But now the symphony of leaves was interrupted by Tony sipping beer and just sitting there, so loudly. It was like Bruce was suffocating under the sound of Tony’s breathing. Every single breath and his lungs constricted and he wanted to say something just to break the tension but he was paralyzed.





	Let Down

**Author's Note:**

> One thing – this was stared many a moon before Endgame came out and based significantly on childhood memories of mine. The place they are at is in no way related to the Endgame cabin or any other canon-compliant place. I started this fic over a year ago and wrote half of it over the course of a day – found it again the other day and wrote the rest that day. I don’t feel it’s necessary to defend my work but I personally wouldn’t advocate this kind of storyline in a canon setting at all and it bothers me to think someone might conflate the two.

Shrieks and laughter echoed through the valley as a gentle breeze tousled Bruce’s hair. Soft, long grass cradled his feet as he stared at the way the leaves swayed in the wind. He took a sip of beer and followed it with a drag of nicotine. The faint snap of a grasshopper’s wings drew his attention to the side. It had been a long time since he’d seen a grasshopper, let alone one that big. 

Bruce abandoned the neck of the beer bottle and shifted to grab it. It was a big brown thing with huge antenna and its legs gesticulated wildly trying to escape. His lips quirked into a momentary grin and he let it go, leaving a trail of brown tobacco across his palm. He ran it across his jeans and took another swig of beer. 

There was the distinct sound of shoes on gravel and Bruce glanced over his shoulder to see Tony approaching from the distance, two beers between his fingers. He could still hear Betty’s laugh and the kids shouting and splashing into the pond and he knew Tony was alone. 

The leaves were such a beautiful shade of summer green – a little yellow on the bottom. If he listened closely and concentrated very hard, he could drown out the noise of everyone else and the leaves sounded like the rush of strings in a symphony. 

“Hey,” Tony greeted as he sat down beside him, setting Bruce’s fresh beer alongside his old one. 

Bruce just nodded and ran his thumb along his lower lip, slipping the cigarette between them. Looking at Tony in his swim shorts and the half unbuttoned shirt, splotched with water, sweat a sheen on his chest... it was just easier not to. 

“Betty know about that?” he asked, stretching his long fingers into Bruce’s peripheral vision and Bruce handed over the cigarette. 

“The kids don’t.”

Tony grunted a laugh that turned into a cough. It had probably been a while as Tony didn’t smoke – unless he was with Bruce. 

“Bet she loves that.”

Bruce tapped out another cigarette for himself and lit it, breathing out a wispy stream.

“Lot of stuff she loves about me.”

There was an uncomfortable silence – Bruce could feel it in the way he shifted, tried not to speak – but Tony had never been good at keeping his mouth shut. 

“Like the fact you turned down that tenure-track position?” 

Bruce suppressed a groan and rolled his eyes to the side, not really wanting to have this fucking conversation. 

“Hopefully she was the one to tell you.”

All he needed was those busy-body academics calling up Tony to gossip about his fuck ups. Well, surely they’d have more to talk about than him. But everyone knew how close they had been. Wouldn’t it be fun to rag. 

Tony made a disgruntled sound that caused Bruce to look over at him for the first time since he sat down. “Nah, it was her. Wanted to know if there was any chance they’d make the offer again. Don’t worry – I don’t talk to anyone anymore.”

Bruce flicked ash and hummed a noncommittal response. Even now, with it out in the open, he didn’t really want to talk about it. Talking wasn’t his thing, it was Tony’s thing. It always had been. So he wasn’t surprised that after a minute he continued. 

“You should’ve taken the job,” he said, flicking the cigarette and taking a sip of beer. “Could’ve taken her somewhere nice on vacation instead of to a tent in my backyard.”

There was a sudden burst of laughter from Betty and Pepper as the kids screamed and splashing could be heard. 

“They’re having a good time,” Bruce pointed out.

And honestly they were. Tony and Pepper had this huge property upstate with the pond and acres of fields and woods to four-wheel on and wild blackberry bushes to pick at and turn into pancakes in the morning and their kids loved each other and Betty and Pepper were close and even for him – it was nice to be with his best friend again. It was almost like Tony had never left. 

Almost like they never fucked it all up. 

“Yeah, but Bruce – the money.”

Bruce just shook his head and took a drag. Tony had always had money. The idea of being without it – he couldn’t understand. But Bruce was used to less – far less. Things would have been easier, sure, but...

“I already force myself not to steer my car straight into that pretentious fucking statue of your dad every damn time I go in and I’m only there three days a week.”

Tony laughed and it sent a shiver down Bruce’s spine. 

“I would probably feel that way too if I had to see his face every other day.”

Bruce chuckled and they lapsed into silence again. But now the symphony of leaves was interrupted by Tony sipping beer and just sitting there, so loudly. It was like Bruce was suffocating under the sound of Tony’s breathing. Every single breath and his lungs constricted and he wanted to say something just to break the tension but he was paralyzed. 

Then, finally, Tony spoke and then he understood.

“I’m thinking about going back.”

Bruce nearly choked. He’d seen the house they were almost finished building, seen this acreage, seen everything Tony had talked about for years and finally he had it and what? He wanted to go back to  _ teaching _ ?

“Why?” Bruce tried not to make his voice sound strangled but could barely breathe and he didn’t know how he had even managed that much. 

Tony sucked his teeth and cocked his head a little, uncomfortable and agitated and his voice had a weird waver to it that betrayed a depth of emotion only those close to him would ever see. 

“It’s just so fucking lonely – hey, give me another one of those?”

He said it so quickly it took Bruce a minute to respond, passing him the crumpled box with the lighter tucked inside. Tony lit it and closed his eyes and breathed in and took a minute to gather himself before he continued.

“No one comes around any more,” he said, “no one calls. Pepper, she hated this idea, took me years to convince her, but now she’s got her blog – well, you know – and she’s got a cookbook coming out now and she’s just... I thought this – I thought it would help, but I’ve never felt so far away from her.”

Bruce bit his tongue and ran it through his teeth. His heart was pounding because he knew where he fit in and he had his own guilt. 

“We’ve talked about it a little...” 

Tony worried his thumbnail between his bottom teeth a minute, tried to laugh but it barely passed his lips. Portrait of the human man building up courage. 

“I’d probably rent a place near campus and stay there during the week.”

And there it was. God, fuck. What was he supposed to say? Tony had figured it out – right. Figured out how to get everything he fucking wanted and it was so painfully selfish but then Bruce remembered what it was like to – to touch him and... 

“You can’t be serious.”

It was all Bruce could managed to say, shutting him down. But it had never been that easy to shut Tony down. 

Tony put the cigarette in his mouth and set his hand down right alongside Bruce’s, feeling him out, seeing how serious he was about his outward refusal. And Bruce knew, he knew he should pull his hand away but... 

He missed him. He missed him so  _ fucking _ much. 

It was just his little finger but he reached out with it, locked it around Tony’s, unable to deny himself this little thing. And the leaves were still rustling in the background and the birds were flitting from branch to branch and their kids were squealing in the background but Tony took the cigarette from his mouth with that look on his face, that smile that could stop bullets and turn his stomach inside out, and Bruce’s breath hitched giving him away before Tony leaned in and kissed him. 

And it was too much – way too much. He didn’t want it – he didn’t. He just... 

Tony’s mouth was so warm and so soft in all the right places and it was impossible not to let him kiss him. Impossible because he knew what it felt like, he knew Tony so intimately – too intimately. Knew how he was all hot hands and hard angles and the way Tony pulled his hair when Bruce was fucking him senseless. 

It felt good but of course it felt good. It always felt good. Too good. Fucking addictive. But like all secret things, it was good  _ because _ it was a secret. Bruce was infatuated but he wasn't stupid. He knew that as soon as it saw the light of day, every ounce of it’s allure would be over and he would have destroyed everything for nothing.

Bruce stopped first, lips lax, falling away. As much as he wanted Tony in his lap, grinding against him, hands all over him, pressing him back into the soft grass, staring at the clouds drifting by as Tony's mouth licked its way down his body, he...

He put the cigarette back in his mouth even though it was almost burnt out, protecting himself from that smile, those lips. But his eyes... Bruce could see in his eyes the hurt, the confusion. But there was nothing to be confused about. Unlike string theory, this was easy. Well, easy was relative, he supposed. 

“It would be perfect.” 

Tony sounded like he was drowning but Bruce couldn’t even reach out a steady hand. It was a mistake to come here. He’d been his friend for so long and Bruce wanted him but he was drowning too. Just drowning sitting next to him and there was nothing either one of them could do except pull the other down faster.

“You wouldn’t have to spend the night or anything but we would have a place.  _ A place _ .”

“Don’t.”

He flicked the cigarette butt away and he could tell Tony wanted to kiss him again but Bruce restrained himself, drew his knees up, made it difficult for him. 

“Come on,” Tony pleaded quietly, desperation in those big, dark eyes that Bruce stupidly fell into once and never managed to crawl back out of. “I won’t do it if you don’t want me there.”

Bruce picked up his beer, rolled the cool, fuzzy liquid around his mouth and swallowed. He knew what he should say. It was right there, on the tip of his tongue. It was one word, one tiny little word but... 

But when he opened his mouth something else entirely came out. 

“Let me think about it.” 

Tony instantly deflated, his relief a palpable thing that Bruce felt under his skin. It was impossible to get him out when he was buried so fucking deep in there. They were just friends – how did it end up like this? Like he couldn’t push without Tony pulling him along, like he couldn’t go without Tony forcing him to stop. What was he supposed to do?

He could never tell him no.

Bruce once again heard the approach of feet, crunching along gravel, and Tony snuffed out his cigarette in the grass. There was a fight that wasn’t worth having. 

“There you boys are!” 

He turned to see Pepper approach and really, she did look happy here. Flushed and pink and smiling, no make-up on her fair skin to obscure her soft, pretty features. He glanced from her back to Tony. Tony looked miserable. 

“You can’t escape the kids forever,” she teased and Bruce shot her a wane smile for her effort. “You have to start building the fire so it’ll be ready for hot dogs in an hour or two.” 

Tony sighed and picked up his beer, standing to meet her, and Bruce had to look away as she put both her delicate hands on either side of his face and scrunched her nose up at him in this absurdly cute way. 

“I know you’re tired, Papa Bear – but I’m thinking after all the swimming we can probably get the kids in bed early tonight...”

Each word made Bruce physically ill and he swallowed back bile with his negative thoughts. He had to say no. He should have said no. It wasn’t fair to any of them to let Tony keep thinking there was something there that could never be. It wasn’t fair to Pepper. It wasn’t fair to himself. 

“Don’t make me come get you,” Tony poked gently as he took a step forward, back into his life, and Bruce waved him away. 

He wouldn’t. 

The grass was still soft against his legs, the birds still sung in the trees. The leaves rustled and Betty’s laugh moved with the breeze but Tony’s lips on his own ripped through it all and he touched his fingertips to his mouth, savoring it. 

He was going to let them all down.


End file.
